RIM Files Suit Against Roy G. Biv

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In a continuation of RIM’s surprising lawsuit against Samsung to protect its patents from any similar products with the word "black" in them, RIM filed today seeking judgment against Roy G. Biv. The filing is complex but the gist of it is this: apparently Mr. Biv has announced plans to release a new smartphone on the Windows Mobile operating system.

Normally such an announcement would do nothing more than make RIM’s sales and marketing team nervous, but upon the news of the product name, the legal team quickly got involved. Mr. Biv’s planned product name is Absence of Light XZX5000.

When asked about the pending lawsuit Mr. Biv had this to say. "I already have the patent for red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. While I could have used any of those for product names without repercussion, none of them have the swagger like black. Black inspires fear and awe at the same time; just like the new Absence of Light XZX5000. After seeing RIM sue Samsung over the BlackJack product name, I felt it best to avoid that melee. I decided to go obscure but not obscure enough. It seems RIM thinks patent protection extends to definitions of patented words as well."

No truer words could have been spoken it seems, for RIM’s frivolity shows no bounds. Shortly after the suit involving Mr. Biv, RIM filed against Lewis Black, Black Sabbath, Black Eyed Peas, black holes, and Johnnie Walker Black Label. It’s unlikely the train will stop there as lead internal counsel for RIM said, "You liberal media types vilify big business all the time. We’re just protecting our brand. Expect more lawsuits to come as we protect our berry patent. Strawberry Shortcake has been riding our coattails for years."

When asked is he was referring to the dessert or the kid’s doll the attorney rubbed his belly and promptly left for what appeared to be a Dairy Queen run.

It’s hard to poke many holes in RIM’s approach, but one might point out that the existence of black holes, Black Sabbath, and even the blackberry shrub itself have been around longer than RIM. A rumored internal memo sheds some much needed light on this perplexing subject, "…our hardware pretty much stinks, it’s a good thing investors are easily distracted with these lawsuits."

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